From the Journal of Dr. Jane Francis Gunn, Creative naturalist and founder of the BFG Creative conservation group
Entry the First, 14th of May, 1847
It has been six months since I departed from London to embark upon what I believe shall be the most significant taxonomic study of our age. While my contemporaries busy themselves with finches and beetles, I have turned my attention to a curious species that has, until now, escaped proper scientific classification – the creative artist, specifically the tenacious writer (Scriba sapiens.)
The common observer might mistake all writers as being of one homogeneous group, yet nothing could be further from truth. In my preliminary studies, I have identified no fewer than twelve distinct families within this remarkable order, though my hypothesis suggests the existence of perhaps fifteen or more such families yet to be properly documented.
The specimens I have thus far catalogued include the Journalistica diurnus (the daily news writer), Academicus pomposus (the scholarly writer), and the curious Fictionalus imaginarium (the novelist). Each displays distinct behavioral patterns, levels of spelling accuracy, and methods of sustenance acquisition that warrant individual study.
My journey has taken me through the smoky parlors of London, the cramped offices of Fleet Street, and the quiet corners of university libraries. Each location yielded different specimens, perfectly adapted to their chosen environments. The Technicalus obscurus, for instance, thrives in environments of great mechanical complexity, translating the incomprehensible into language digestible by the common mind. Fascinating creatures, though prone to pedantry when challenged.
Entry the Second, 30th of May, 1847
The weather has turned favorable, allowing for extended field observations. My assistant, young Wilberforce, has proven invaluable in setting up blind observations in the offices of several publishing houses. His ability to blend into surroundings while maintaining detailed notes has permitted unprecedented access to the natural behaviors of several writer species.
I must note with some excitement that we have discovered what appears to be a previously undocumented specimen today – one I shall tentatively classify as Copywrita persuadus. This remarkable creature was observed in its natural habitat: a bustling advertising firm near Piccadilly Circus.
The Copywrita persuadus – henceforth simply “Copywriter” – presents several distinguishing characteristics that separate it decidedly from its literary cousins. Unlike the solitary Poeticus torturus who subsists on melancholy and wine, the Copywriter thrives in the charged atmosphere of commerce and persuasion.
Physical characteristics: The Copywriter is typically adorned in garments that strike a careful balance between artistic expression and business propriety – not as formal as the Journalistica diurnus, yet more presentable than the disheveled Fictionalus imaginarium. Most curious is the gleam in their eyes – a mixture of creative fervor and calculating precision I have not observed in other writer species.
Habitat: The Copywriter establishes territory within the bustling ecosystem of commerce. They are often found in close proximity to the Artistica visualis (graphic designers) and Directorus creativas (creative directors), with whom they appear to share a complex symbiotic relationship. Their workspaces are distinctive – covered with scattered notes, reference materials from diverse fields, and curious collections of words and phrases that appear meaningless in isolation yet serve some vital purpose in their creative process.
Feeding habits: Unlike other writer species who subsist primarily on recognition, academic prestige, or artistic integrity, the Copywriter has evolved to feed on a curious mixture of creative satisfaction and commercial success. They appear to measure their nutritional intake not merely in aesthetic terms, but in the tangible responses of the wider population to their verbal creations.
Entry the Third, 6th of June, 1847
I have spent the past week in close observation of the Copywriter species, and my findings grow more fascinating by the day. Through careful study, I have documented their daily habits and peculiar behavioral patterns:
Mating rituals: The Copywriter engages in an elaborate courtship with ideas, a process they refer to as “brainstorming.” This ritual often involves consuming excessive amounts of coffee (a stimulant that appears essential to their bodily functions) and engaging in animated discussions with fellow tribe members. During these sessions, they produce rapid vocalizations of seemingly disconnected thoughts, punctuated by periods of intense scribbling. The successful culmination of this ritual is marked by an exclamation of “That’s it!” followed by a period of feverish activity.
Communication methods: The Copywriter has developed a specialized vocabulary unlike any I have encountered in other writing species. They speak of “hooks,” “pain points,” and “calls to action” – terms that hold specific tribal significance. They communicate in multiple dialects, seamlessly transitioning between the flowery prose of Fictionalus imaginarium and the direct approach of Journalistica diurnus as circumstances require.
Defense mechanisms: When threatened (typically by approaching deadlines or client disapproval), the Copywriter displays remarkable adaptability. Unlike the Academicus pomposus, who responds to criticism with defensive posturing and obscure citations, the Copywriter appears capable of rapid transformation of their creative output without visible distress. This suggests a pragmatic survival instinct highly evolved for their commercial environment.
Most remarkable is their ability to simultaneously maintain skepticism toward their corporate environment while displaying passionate belief in the transformative power of their craft. This cognitive duality appears unique among writer species and warrants further investigation.
Entry the Fourth, 15th of June, 1847
Today I witnessed what I believe to be the Copywriter’s most distinctive evolutionary advantage: their chameleon-like ability to adopt the voice and character of whatever entity they represent. In a single day, I observed a specimen shift from writing in the authoritative tone of a banking institution to the playful voice of a confectionery manufacturer with astonishing ease.
This mimicry extends beyond mere stylistic adaptation. The Copywriter appears to temporarily adopt the values, concerns, and objectives of their subject, a form of intellectual symbiosis I have not observed in any other species. While the Fictionalus imaginarium may inhabit the personas of their characters, they do so from a position of creation. The Copywriter, conversely, performs this adaptation in service of entities that exist independent of their imagination.
I theorize that this adaptability has evolved as a response to their commercial ecosystem, where survival depends on the ability to persuade across diverse contexts. The Copywriter does not merely write; they transform language into a tool of influence. In evolutionary terms, this represents a specialized niche that has allowed the species to thrive despite competitive pressure from other communication specialists.
The specimen I observed today displayed particular skill in what they termed “emotional resonance” – the ability to elicit specific feelings through careful word selection. They spent nearly an hour deliberating between the words “gleaming,” “glistening,” and “glimmering” with an intensity that would seem absurd to the uninitiated observer but represents the meticulous attention to nuance that characterizes the species.
Entry the Fifth, 21st of June, 1847
After extended observation, I have concluded that the Copywriter represents not merely a variant of existing writer species but a distinct evolutionary branch worthy of its own taxonomic classification. They combine the persuasive techniques of the orator, the creativity of the novelist, the precision of the technical writer, and the cultural awareness of the journalist into a unique adaptive strategy.
Their natural lifecycle revolves around projects rather than publications, with distinct phases of research, ideation, creation, and revision. Their young (called “concepts”) undergo multiple transformations before reaching maturity, with many perishing in early development. This high reproductive rate with low survival suggests an evolutionary strategy optimized for innovation through iteration.
Perhaps most fascinating is their relationship with truth. Unlike the Journalistica diurnus, who professes commitment to objective reality, or the Fictionalus imaginarium, who openly embraces invention, the Copywriter occupies a middle ground – dealing in emotional truths and aspirational realities that, while not strictly factual, contain authentic human resonance.
As I prepare to continue my taxonomic study of other writer species, I find myself reflecting on the remarkable adaptability of Copywrita persuadus. In them, we see the perfect illustration of specialization for purpose – the evolutionary process that has allowed writers to diversify into the rich ecosystem of communicative niches observed today.
Wilberforce informs me that there are rumors of at least three more undocumented writer species in the colonies of America. I shall book passage immediately to continue this most important work.
—Dr. Octavius Penwell, F.R.S. London, 1847